Depression is a condition that impacts the lives of countless people across the globe, irrespective of age, gender, or background. When talking to someone about depression, it’s important to remove as much stigma as possible. Depression isn’t anyone’s fault. Showing up as a supportive, responsive presence is key.
Talking about depression will never make it worse. In fact, it can be a great first step in removing the shame that depression often brings.
Recognizing Signs of Depression
While everyone experiences depression differently, the key markers are typically low mood and fatigue. People with depression often feel isolated, as their condition is telling them that no one understands what they’re going through, so if you notice a loved one becoming less present than they used to be, this could be an early warning sign.
Symptoms of depression may manifest as:
- Persistent sadness or low mood
- Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite and weight
- Sleeping too little or too much
- Fatigue and loss of energy
- Expressing feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
- Difficulties concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things
- Mentioning thoughts of death or suicide
If you are feeling suicidal or experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out for immediate support by contacting your local emergency services, visiting your local emergency room, or calling/texting the National Crisis Hotline at 988.
How to Talk About Depression
People with depression often have feelings of guilt and worthlessness, so do your best to counteract these negative messages floating around in your loved one’s head by reminding them how much you care about them. Do your best to lead with patience and care.
Here is some guidance on talking about depression:
Approaching the Conversation
Engaging in a conversation about depression requires sensitivity, attentiveness, and an open heart. When initiating this conversation, think about creating a space where you’re meeting your loved one’s vulnerability with respect and care. Active listening is pivotal in these discussions, prioritizing the person’s voice and experience over all else.
Here are a few ways to set the mood for a conversation:
- Pick a calm time and place: Don’t have a conversation about depression when things are chaotic. If you can, find a time when you can be alone and not have other pressures or distractions.
- Use “I” statements: Instead of staring with “You’ve been MIA” or “You’re always too tired to hang out now,” start by saying “I’ve noticed…” or “I care about you and I’m seeing…” Since depression already comes with feelings of guilt and worthlessness, make sure you don’t start off with anything that could be taken as accusatory.
- Listen first: Ask questions and give lots of room for your loved one to share. It might take some time sitting in silence before they’re able to open up, and that’s OK. You could say something like, “If you want to talk about it, I’d like to hear what you’ve been going through.”
- Watch your tone & body language: What you do in silence says a lot. Stay open, make eye contact, and lean in when your loved one starts talking. Make sure your phone is on silent and give your loved one your full attention.
How to Respond When Someone Says They’re Depressed
When someone says they’re depressed or have been struggling with low mood, here are some ways to respond:
- “That sounds really difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through it”
- “What’s something I can do today to help?”
- “I don’t understand exactly how you’re feeling, but you’re not alone”
- “It’s OK to feel ___ right now”
- “I care about you; you matter to me”
- “I’m not going anywhere”
- “Have you talked with a therapist about this?”
What Not to Say to Someone with Depression
Validating someone’s struggle goes hand in hand with refraining from offering unsolicited advice or diminishing their experiences. Depression can cause feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, leaving someone feeling so low energy that it’s hard to function. Any advice you give without being specifically asked might feel like more pressure on top of their other perceived failures.
Here are some other messages you should refrain from sharing when someone is dealing with depression:
- “Toughen up”
- “I’ve dealt with worse”
- “Why are you always so sad”
- “You should stay positive”
- “But you have a great life”
- “It’s all in your head”
These kinds of phrases do more to diminish someone’s experience than make them feel heard and supported.
Get Depression Help with New Directions Mental Health
Talking about depression is not just about the conversation itself but also about offering support and resources. At New Directions Mental Health, we provide a comprehensive approach to treating depression in Pennsylvania through therapy, psychiatry, and medication management services. We accept various health insurance plans and offer telehealth appointments to make our support more accessible for everyone.
We recognize that everyone’s journey with depression is unique, and we are here to support and guide you every step of the way. If you’re ready to take the next step or help a loved one, call 724.374.7414 or schedule your first appointment today.
